Trusting in Compassion
You know her:
she who loves everyone,
but still sits down with you,
to listen to your good and bad days:
the time when you made 1st place,
when you found a beautiful site,
when you someone loved you,
and also the car accidents,
the arguments that left you weak,
the stress of shouting.
But she knows you;
she talks with you about anything,
listening, mainly, to the tender mercies:
the small smiles and the simple songs.
To her you open up your hopes and fears too,
trusting in her compassion.
She tells you to dream big:
to catch the moon in your palm,
like it’s the hand of a new friend.
And she assures you that you can do it,
that success is yours, if you will take it.
But who really knows her?
When the time comes, you leave her,
for other friends who don’t care as much,
because you know she understands.
You are sure she doesn’t mind.
And she doesn’t mind,
but alone in her room, she thinks aloud;
she writes with ink on paper,
and bangs on the pillow,
hoping she can bury the silence
and re-write her heart.
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If you think I'm posting a lot because I'm bored, you may be half-right, but I'm also posting because I like this poem that I wrote yesterday and want comments on it. I have it now so that the blog send e-mails to my mom who loves editing things so I at least have one reliable source. To avoid speculation I'll admit that when I originally wrote this poem, I wasn't thinking of a girl at all, but now I can think of a couple who fit the description in different ways. But in my mind, the poem talks about those people who really are great people, but who sometimes get laid aside for others. And they don't want to mind it, but somewhere deep down it bothers them and they don't want to feel that way. As I thought about the title, I saw how the line "trusting in her compassion" is actually dead center in the poem. You probably didn't notice, but I did and I got to thinking - "you" may be trusting in her compassion, but isn't she also trusting in "yours"? And look what happens. Anyway, that's what I wanted this poem to be about. Does it work? If not, how could it? What do you think about it?
Hi Carey! Hope you don't mind if I comment...? I really like the tone of this poem - the feeling you were (I think) trying to evoke comes through strong. - but I'm left not quite sure who 'she' is... especially after the last few lines- there's a lot of information complicating her. Maybe she'd do better with less?
ReplyDeleteIt was nice to see you last weekend...hope to actually have interesting conversation with you this summer!
love, lu
Please comment! I love comments! Without comments, I have no idea how to improve on my poetry or what I did well or not. When you say that you're not sure who "she" is, well, she's a friend. I think that was clear. Or perhaps you thought I was speaking about someone in particular. Nope, just thinking of really good, nice people, in general, sort of. Or perhaps you were referring to her character. In the last lines I was trying to reveal the internal struggle of such good people as they try to not be upset when they're forgotten or left behind, just because the other people think they won't mind. But the truth is, despite how much they're there for other people, sometimes they find themselves without anyone doing the same for them. And they're lonely. And it's sad. But either way, I agree that I could clarify it better and perhaps interweave that theme more into the poem and simplify it in general. Thanks for your comment; it gives me something to think about when I look at the poem, which'll help me make it better.
ReplyDeleteSee you soon this summer!
Love, Carey