Collaborative Poetry

So this morning in poetry class, it was pretty relaxed and he had us do a really fun activity where we each wrote down on 3 notecards, 1 line per notecard. Then, he shuffled them up and we had to write the second line to come up with 2 line collaborative poems. Some were duds, but some were really funny. Examples:

Obviously,
the gorillas were unexpected.

----

Soar, little puppy,
you only get to ride this catapult once.

----

Devour me,
Snuggie.

----

Yesterday, I saw the train pull in
out of the ocean we loved.

----

In other words, the idea of the poem is often to catch your attention, be funny, or shocking, or something. It was a really fun activity and it makes me want to do longer collaborative poetry with anyone willing (Really, let me know!). Anyway, I wrote the second line of the last of the two-liners you see and in the end, I decided that I liked the idea of a train pulling in out of the ocean, so I decided to run with it and write a longer poem. I've two version, distinguished by the order of images. I sort of like the first one more, but I'm not sure. So at the end, let me know, if you would, which of the two you prefer and if you think the ending works. If it doesn't, I'm sure I could always to pull more images out of my hat. Anyway, enjoy!

The Vision

Yesterday, I saw the train pull in

out of the ocean we loved.

I heard the scrape of waves against the shells,

now empty homes, the travelers riding

with the engine of the tide.

I saw the saltwater curl before it,

like white wheels parting rain

puddles on the side of a worn road.

I heard the cry of seagulls dive

into the flotsam, the tracks devoured

by a storm swarming into the distance.

I saw your feet splash into the sand, the pebbles

rushing to board, away from the beach:

a platform always escaping me.

If you missed it, if you say nothing came or left

us alone, drawn together here, then what

made the shadows walk on water?

What whistle stretched out its lonely fingers

and touched the sky as it passed?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Vision

Yesterday, I saw the train pull in

out of the ocean we loved.

I saw the saltwater curl before it,

like white wheels parting rain

puddles on the side of a worn road.

I saw your feet splash into the sand, the pebbles

rushing to board, away from the beach:

a platform always escaping me.

I heard the cry of seagulls dive

into the flotsam, the tracks devoured

by a storm swarming into the distance.

I heard the scrape of waves against the shells,

now empty homes, the travelers riding

with the engine of the tide.

If you missed it, if you say nothing came or left

us alone, drawn together here, then what

made the shadows walk on water?

What whistle stretched out its lonely fingers

and touched the sky as it passed?