Do you hear what I hear?

I hear
a flutter of midnight ravens
and eyelids;
rain spits on the window
and moves on;
the end of the hallway
falls into darkness
with a dull thud;
the kitchen faucet leaks
above a tin sink;
some dream drips
into reality;
in an unseen room
the floor creaks
beneath the weight
of an empty home.

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I read one of my sister's poems tonight and I thought it was amazing (go Madelene!) and I thought 'wow, she's becoming more prolific than me! I gotta catch up', so I wrote a poem. One thing I liked about her poem was that it took a concrete image and then made it more profound. We often call this "moving from the specific to the general". So mine sorta does something similar. However, her's teaches a lesson, whereas mine only portrays a feeling (much more my forte). I couldn't think of an adequate title, so instead I just took what had been the first line, cut it, and made it the title. I think it works. One question: I sorta feel like the last line would be stronger if it had the stress on the second syllable, like da DA, instead of the current da da DA (this should make you laugh). i.e. of emptiness, of vacancy, of ...
Any ideas or other suggestions?