So the other day, reading the one forum that I look at once in a blue moon, one topic basically said - write a poem in two minutes and post it. Not that we'll ever know, but it's nice to be honest. Go!
So I was bored and decided to do it and came up with this untitled poem:
The day fades orange:
red leaves in the sky
descending to the horizon.
The air's embrace is cold:
an absent friend
wrapping arms around me.
She told me winter was white:
the morning sky
bare of clouds and branches.
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Then, later, I wrote up the poem and started working on it and came up with the following:
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When people leave for the holidays
The chiming clock tower
finds me in a bench for one.
Day fades orange:
autumn leaves in the sky
drift down the horizon.
The air's embrace is cold:
an absent friend
wrapping around me.
She once said winter was white:
snow and twinkling lights
revolving like midnight stars.
Even so, the dawn sky resounds
bare of clouds and branches.
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So please tell me, did I make it worse? Better? Did I change some things that should't have been changed? Is it any good? What could be better still? Please let me know what you think. Thanks and enjoy!
I like it, actually!
ReplyDeleteIt's difficult for me to understand poetry in English. Even Dutch poetry is hard haha.
But I like the changes you've made.
It has more of a story to it now, I can picture you on the bench thinking about all this.
Yeah I like it!